Set Backs – Now What?
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Photo courtesy – zen Sutherland
For the past four months, I have been actively writing a book about “the heart of our company’s art”. I’ve never written a book before. This started as a manifesto that grew to a lengthy essay that then became a short, then long book.
Our work leans heavily on high-stakes, community, vulnerability, risk-taking and collaborative leadership. Writing the book was challenging all of those components in me.
Many times, more often than not, the book was telling me what I could be, what the company could be, rather than me telling the book what I or the company currently was. It was a fine line between present and the suspended energy of forward-leaning. The book was challenge our company and myself to be better, riskier, more vulnerable. For the past three weeks alone, my editor was provoking me with writing prompts to reveal more, get more personal, take greater risks. I was running to catch up with my potential.
Photo courtesy – Det N.
On the brink of the book being finished (out of the editor’s hands this morning, in final design now), I had a personal set back. A fear bubble popped up. I was doing the laundry, something fell out of the dryer unexpectedly and all of a sudden I was having a fear flashback. Something I thought I was over, something I thought I was fine with, jumped up at me like a violent intruder.
For a few hours, I pushed it away. Trying to quiet it out of my head. But it kept growing.
Now it’s blown out of proportion. It’s nestled into other conversations that quickly turn to fights. It’s poisoned celebratory moments with the tension of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”.
Photo courtesy – Crashmaster007
When things really get rolling, why do these set backs occur? Hiccups in rehearsal, right when the ensemble was clicking. Snags in the recording booth, right when the band’s finally figured out all the kinks. What manifests that?
How do we get the car back online with a slight correction of the steering wheel without the fear-filled yank off the road?
That’s what I did. I felt a little bump in the road and instead of breathing, self observing and being vulnerable enough to say to my partner, “I don’t know what this is but I need to talk about it.” Instead of that, I swerve, big time. Yanked that steering wheel clear the other way in order to avoid trouble and instead hit a wall.
- What do you do during a set back?
- What’s your process for getting back on track?
As with all of these posts, ensemble… I’m honestly asking you.