In Me I Trust

Photo - TaxRebate.org.uk, CC

Photo – TaxRebate.org.uk, CC

In my post, The Currency of Trust, I touched on how trust is lost and won when it comes to relationships (love, family, work). But I forgot one relationship. The most important one. The one with myself.

How much do I trust myself? Not an easy answer, it turns out. Guess I need some tangible testing. I need a trust jar for myself. Yup, I’m starting one.

I’m going to be mindful of:

How much trust have I already accrued?

I have a feeling I have more trust in the tank than I’m letting on to myself. Over the years, I’m both a calculated risk taker and an occasional “Are you with me Thelma?!” pedal to the floor risk taker. I’ve proven to myself that I am resilient when many of those risks crashed and burned I bounced back. (Okay, some were more of a crawl or “Can somebody give me a hand?” back to standing, but I eventually got there.)

How much do I truly bank on?

Now this is the kicker. I may have oodles of trust sitting in there racking up interest, but not act like a trust-millionaire. Why? Because trust is connected to risk. If I am facing a risk, it’s easier to say “uh, no” when there’s not much trust in the bank. And risk is venturing into unknown territory. And… wait for it… unknown territory means expanding myself. AHHHHHH!

So, acting like I don’t trust myself is essentially saying “I’m not ready to expand. I like this little cage with the partially obstructed view of a beautiful horizon, thank you.”

I’ve caught myself saying, “Honey, don’t leave that piece of pizza on the counter. I don’t trust myself to not finish it off.” 1. I don’t trust myself?! 2. It’s just a slice, you may say, but to this emotional eater who’s really wants to stay vegan, cheese is crack. Crack, I say! 3. I don’t trust myself?! (I still can’t believe I say that phrase… And often.)

How do I know when I’m denying that trust?

I was asking myself that question when, in another world a.k.a. My secret—shhhhh! —Facebook group “The Revolution is YOU”, a fellow rebel posted this great quote by Louis E. Catron from Playwriting: Writing, Producing, and Selling Your Play:

“The self-censor unit can become a major contributor to what is often called ‘writer’s block.’ If the self-censor is allowed to dominate, the thing can freeze the creative process. Every idea is given critical scrutiny and the slightest flaw calls for rejection of the whole. […] All laughter is gone. Instead of rejoicing that a new idea has come to the conscious mind, the self-censor will be dismayed that the idea is not perfect the moment it is born.”

Bingo! Lack of joy and humor is my indicator. Taking things too seriously. That’s the denial emotion. Denial of personal trust. Denial of risk taking expansion.

How do I gain trust in myself?

Look above, play more, Jess! Be joyful in the insanity that is life. And be a more dutiful accountant. I need to daily—even hourly—observe and anchor those moments of proven personal, inner trust.

Who else is in? Who’s going to question their assumptions on trust?

Hands up. Jars out. Fill ‘em up!

Then let the self-expanding risk taking start because you’ll be fully backed with all that personal trust.

**What?! You picking up what I’m throwing down? Well, there’s more of that love bug in my secret—shhh!—Facebook group “The Revolution is YOU”. Come over, I’ve got a seat open for ya.**

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