Home: Where You Grow & Let Go
I’m at the retreat in Virginia, right now, look out at the new studio gate Chris built. It’s next to a corner of our property where we’ve let loved ones go, and through the gate to the studio is where we create new works.
I never thought I’d live in a place where both existed so clearly with such beauty.
Chris’s mother recently passed and it was her wish to have her ashes brought to our retreat, far from her home and the rest of her family. We were surprised and honored. She is there, under a walnut tree, home to fairies, with a gargoyle named Hector as her protector.
Yes, I said fairies. Don’t you have them too? They’re everywhere here, especially in the summer with their lanterns just at dusk. A sculptress created a beautiful door for Betty, Chris’s mother, to donate to the fairy tree, another gate into the beautifully impossible/possible.
But Betty wasn’t the first we said goodbye to here at our retreat.
In shock, I took him to where he asked to be buried in my dreams. My husband and I said goodbye. I have never experienced such a connection to loss as I buried him myself, crying and appreciating all his love.The first year we made this place our home, our dear cat, Brick, of 13 years passed away. He saw me through five states, college, finding and marrying the love of my life, and then this… owning our first home. Then he passed. In a dream, the night before he died, I saw myself burying him in the corner of the field, under the walnut tree. It was sad and yet reassuring. I didn’t know why until the next evening when I found him curled up for his last nap.
Two years later, one of those mares, Cookie, passed away in childbirth on our land. Her foal survived and blessed us with antics and joy. Cookie is still a part of this retreat. Brick is still a part of this retreat. Betty is still a part of this retreat. They inspire us with their life. They hold the gate for us as we consciously decide to create and to let go.The sounds of my grief drew two horses to our fence (mares put on our field by a neighbor). They kept inching up closer and closer making a sound I have never heard come from a horse. The mares were mourning with us, staying during the entire ritual.
Love to all those who daily embrace creating and letting go.
It is harder than we think.
It is easier than we think.
Where do you let go of loved ones in your home?
Where do you create in your home?
How close are they? Where is the gate?